February 25, 2009
Stolen Bikes
Someone stole my bicycle a few years back. It, like Lance's bike, was a one-of-a-kind bicycle, but it was not featured in any news reports of which I am aware. I reported the theft to the police. Instead of telling me that all units were headed to my location, the dispatcher told me to come to the police station to fill out a report.
Do you think Lance Armstrong had to walk to the police station to make a report because he didn't have a bicycle anymore, like me? On the "Report of Theft" form, I filled in my name and my address, the phone number at which I could be reached when my bike was located and the police needed to get in touch with me. I completed the date and time of occurrence, as requested.
Then I completed the next part of the form, the important part --
Description of property (Describe the stolen property): One-of-a-kind 26-inch men's Roadmaster coaster brake bicycle, hand-painted bright orange and black frame, fat tires, as opposed to those skinny tires on ten-speed bikes, chopper-style handlebars with black handgrips, sparkling gold vinyl banana seat, no fenders.
I never got a call.
Where I went wrong was, unlike Lance, I didn't give the police the serial number.
February 14, 2009
TEACH YOUR PARENTS WELL
crosby, stills, nash, and young: "teach your children well"
You who are on the road
Must have a code that you can live by
And so become yourself
Because the past is just a good bye.
Teach your children well,
Their father's hell did slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picked, the one you'll know by.
Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you would cry,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.
And you, of tender years,
Can't know the fears that your elders grew by,
And so please help them with your youth,
They seek the truth before they can die.
Teach your parents well,
Their children's hell will slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picked, the one you'll know by.
Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you would cry,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.
ever since i gave birth to my first child, i have not been able to hear this song without tears coming to my eyes. now that my "children" are adults, i can barely hold myself together when this song comes on the radio/ipod/computer.
by now, i have learned that it's definitely much easier on your kids to leave the nest than it is for the parents to let go. it hits you in the gut over and over again. you think you're past it, and then -- BLAM! there's that sucker punch again.
don't misunderstand me -- i do not mourn the gone-forever childhood of my "babies." i have ALWAYS looked to the future and do not lament the fact that they are not MINE anymore. i feel good about the kind of parents we've been to children and to the adults they are now.
but it IS strange to find yourself feeling that same i-can-barely-breathe thing that you felt when your 12-year-old went to the movies with a bunch of friends (AND GIRLS!) without an adult around.
seriously, when is this going to stop? i'm starting to think that the best answer is "NEVER." and i am giving serious consideration to the possibility that i should just relax and even look forward to many more of these moments. i'm gonna work on that.
my lastest "oof!" moment was very recently. my oldest, matt, very soon dr. matt (thank you very much) is job hunting. he's looking for a college teaching position. matt is 28 this year and will be married 6 years (!) this august. he is finishing up his phD this spring. he's been on his own for quite a while now OBVIOUSLY. and we've really enjoyed watching this young man and his wife design and live their own life together. a couple weeks ago, he interviewed at a college in our area. he spent a day and a half meeting with faculty members, being interviewed, and teaching a class and being observed. before he checked out of his hotel the morning after, the dean called and offered him the job. and because bill and i think very highly of this young man, bill and i weren't surprised. we were delighted. no "ooof!" there. the "ooof!" came the next morning when he called to tell us that he turned down the job! he didn't feel like it would be a good fit. i knew right away that my reaction was not because he turned down a job close to us. i was and am ready for the fact that he and mel probably won't be living close. i really never expected them to be living in our area.
really.
what has taken my breath away is that i am so in awe of him. not just proud of my child. in. awe. of this young man. in awe. he's going after his dream! fearlessly! he's so much more than my son. i have to say that again: he's so much more than my son. i can barely breathe as i'm typing this.
when matt was born, i had this same kind of feeling. the memory is so clear to me. i expected a "baby." we were so excited to be having our first child and were absolutely ready. but when he was born, i felt the room fill up with this person. the whole WORLD. i was shocked. no really. shocked. the doctor asked me if i was ok. the nurse joked that i "was in shock." dr. weinberg told her to please never use that clinical term in this kind of situation ever again.
ok. you may be saying "duh!" to all of this. i know *i* felt that i always knew this. but i didn't. and you might not really know it either. just be ready for it. and enjoy the hell out of it.
tomorrow matt heads to new york to interview with a very cool school. he'll be back wednesday morning but leaves thursday for philadelphia for another school.
next!
February 13, 2009
Bass
My e-mail box was flooded with many thousands of complaints about this time last year, necessitating the hiring of several dozen individuals to help with responding. I will not be remiss this year by failing to tell you that the Bassmasters Classic, the 39th incarnation, is being held February 20 - 22 on the Red River in Louisiana. I don't know what tickets cost to watch the bass fishing competitors. I think you need a boat to do that.
I did some checking. The average depth of the places the bass will be biting is 16 to 19 feet deep. That's a bad thing -- can't stand on the bottom with head above water. Also, there's the bass -- live things swimming in the water. And it's called Red River for a reason -- red clay from upstream colors the water -- can't see the bottom. That means I won't be out there following my favorite bass master.
I've never watched professional bass fishing. I suppose it's pretty exciting watching people fish all day long for 3 days for the $500,000 first prize. I suppose that amount of money might cause some fishermen to try to gain a competitive advantage. Perhaps, as in baseball with the steroid scandal, bass fishermen juice their jigheads. I'm wondering if some of those bass fishermen are using Bad Mother Flipping hooks ... and jerkbait.
I've looked at the rules. Nothing prohibits torpedoes. Sinking other boats is not prohibited, especially if nobody is looking. Who's going to know? Just look at what that shark did to the boat in Jaws and to its captain. Fish and other sea creatures are capable of anything ... and remember that girl, the one swimming out by the buoy, alone -- she couldn't stand up with her head above water; she couldn't see the bottom; there were live things in the water. See?
Bass fishing -- way more dangerous than you can imagine.
February 09, 2009
Rolling Stone
The woman who had the octuplets -- I almost typed "octopus" -- do those lips look real? How much did those collagen injections cost? And shouldn't she have purchased some diapers instead?
I'm not saying she can't afford it, but she is apparently unemployed with 14 children. Of course, some things are more important than others.
Now, if she could sing, she might be able to earn a living and support the children. Or if she married an established singer -- one with an album debuting at 23 on the Billboard Top 40 -- she could probably afford to buy some diapers and plastic surgery. And I understand that the guy, the singer, is not married. And the album is called "Seduction." Some guy named Frank Sinatra -- 23, but not with a bullet (44th this week).
That's a drawback -- he doesn't seem to have any staying power. Flash in the pan, I guess.
February 06, 2009
Walter Matthau
Last night, the Jackal asked me to drive him to work this morning. It's not even close to being light at 5 a.m.
"My alarm was loud this morning. Didn't have it under my pillow. I can't believe I stayed awake after I took my shower. I lay down on the bed; I usually fall asleep."
"I know."
"People aren't meant to be awake right now. They should get up at sunrise and go to sleep at sunset. Look, nobody can drive well this time of morning. Stop, light's red."
"Yeah."
"The cats were awake, though. But they're nocturnal."
"Yeah."
"The cats hate John Shaft."
"The 'Theme From Shaft'?"
No, Brian's cat. His name is John Shaft. Well, his name is really just Shaft; but if you're going to name someone after a fictitious character or a person, you should use the whole name. So, I call his cat John Shaft."
"Oh."
If I named my cat after Walter Matthau, I wouldn't be saying, 'Come here, Matthau;' I'd be saying, 'Here Walter Matthau.'"
"Oh."
"Could you pick me up at 10:30?"
"Sure."
"Thanks, Dad. Love you."
"Love you. too."
Walter Matthau? Where'd he come up with that?
