I was in court, and I'm standing there in the courtroom in front of the judge. And there's like a bunch of people in there, mostly waiting till I was done, some kind of really impatient because they were like waiting there long before I got there, some kind of angry because they have been waiting like forever. I got there kind of late -- walked the dogs -- but sometimes seniority has advantages.
And the judge is like saying something to me, and I'm fidgeting -- kind of stick my hand in the pocket of my jacket, just because that's something I do sometimes.
Only I like pull something out of my pocket. Plastic.
The judge kind of looks down at me from way up there above me and asks, "What IS that?" So inquisitive.
And I like hold it up for her to see; and I say, "Poop bag ... your Honor."
And she says, "Empty?"
"So far, but I haven't spoken yet, your Honor."
I'm voting "No" on Issue 2 here in Ohio, which is a vote to repeal Senate Bill 5, which would limit collective bargaining for local public employees, prohibit payments by local governments to employee pension plans, prohibit local governments from paying more than 80% toward the cost of employee health benefit premiums, among other things, interfering with local governments' right to run themselves.
What bugs me more than anything are the small post cards, big post cards, and letters I get in the mail that are paid for by some organization located in Virginia urging me to vote for the issue.
Dick Cheney's former political director, Kara Ahern, is a part of the group, as is Cheney's daughter.
Enough said.
I will not recount my many brushes with the demon electricity. There are those who may say that my cavalier attitude is self-destructive; but there are also those who have been entertained, which I feel good about.
I do know enough that bleach and household ammonia products should not be mixed. And if you are not aware of the highly irritating and, sometimes, deadly and explosive vapors that can be produced, please take heed. Mixing the two household chemicals will not lead to a cleaner bathroom, but will generate nitrogen trichloride, which will irritate the eyes and mucous membranes.
If a person is really determined to get a cleaner bathroom, he might even kill himself -- and I use the form "he" because I can't imagine a woman doing this. It's the guy, who will say, "Clean the fucking bathroom? I'll clean the fucking bathroom! I'll show her how to clean the fucking bathroom!" And then he'll pull out the Chlorox and the Mr. Clean and kill himself.
Of course, he could add way more ammonia, just to show her, and make the rocket propellant, hydrazine, as a by-product, which is highly explosive. And he'd be dead before the explosion occurred.
So, I know enough not to do that; but who knew that toothpaste was just as dangerous. The woman over on the left of your screen likes Crest Pro Health. And I must admit that I have used Crest toothpaste since it was first endorsed by dentists as a decay-preventing dentifrice way before the turn of the century. I blame my mother because it was my mother who forced me to brush my teeth with Crest or Arm & Hammer baking soda. I showed her for about two days, using baking soda, then switched to the better-tasting Crest.
The other day, in Target, I saw a Colgate Optic White toothpaste display. I grabbed a tube. I think I like it better than Crest Pro Health.
But, last night, I thought, "What if I combined them?" That would certainly work better, I figured with my simple male mind. And it's a good thing that I used only the tiniest amount of each because the result -- well, it was an explosion of sorts, you might say. It was only the briefest of a blinding flash, and the blast was not big enough to cause any tooth damage; but I don't recommend combining the two.
Here's the deal. One of the ingredients of Colgate Optic White is glycerol. One of the ingredients of Crest Pro Health is sodium saccharin. These are complicated chemical formulas (or as chemists say "formulae."), as are the formulas of all of the ingredients of each brand of toothpaste; but just know this: the formula of nitroglycerin is C3H5(NO3)3. When you combine glycerol and sodium saccharin and you add a little heat by brushing vigorously, the glycerol and the sodium saccharin react, with the ... well, this is boring, but the hydroxyl ions in the glycerol break off and the nitrogen ions and some oxygen ions from the sodium saccharin combine and -- FLASH, BOOM!!!!
Nitroglycerin! It's almost ELECTRIC!