Nothing But Love :: golf blogger

Reading Books

I don't talk much about books. I come across blogs with lists of books people have read. I'm amazed sometimes by the number of books some people read every week or month. Believe it or not, I can read.

In any event, whether you count yourself among the former or the latter, I took on The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein and recommend it.

And if the dog who lived with you passed on, it's required reading.

Manholes

man·hole (mān'hōl')
n. A hole, usually with a cover, through which a person may enter a sewer, boiler, drain, or similar structure.

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition
Copyright © 2006 by Houghton Mifflin Company.
Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

In Sacramento, California, manholes were renamed "maintenance holes," so as to be gender neutral -- but how many of the citizens there call them "maintenance holes?"

I guess, "None." Even the Sacramento Bee, a forward-looking newspaper, to be sure, started a story: Metal thieves have set their sights on another desirable target -- manhole covers.

Why has this subject come up here?

Sometimes, when I walk the dogs, my mind wanders. So, I was walking the dogs and stepped on a manhole cover that was hot. It covered a manhole that accessed underground steam pipes, which heated up the cover. When you are out and about, please avoid standing on a manhole cover labeled "STEAM."

The manhole cover was labeled "C.E.I. Co." and, below that, "STEAM," which was definitely a clue that the iron cover might be hotter than the average manhole cover. Around the cover, the name of the manufacturer was printed: AMERICAN DISTRICT STEAM CO. SYSTEM NORTH TONAWANDA, N.Y. The U.S. Open Synchronized Swimming Championship was in Cleveland this past week; and one of the teams was from North Tonawanda, N.Y.

There are a number of different brands of manhole covers -- and when I say "manhole covers," I mean the round covers, not the rectangular covers or the little round covers for water shut-offs. I saw a few labeled "WATER METER" made by "THE WALWORTH RUN F'D'Y CO.," which was located in Cleveland.

East Jordan Iron Works, East Jordan, Michigan, founded in 1883, cast a variety of the manhole covers I saw. There were some plain covers, that is, not labeled, except for the name "EAST JORDAN IRON WORKS," some with the place of origin, "East Jordan, Mich.," and some with the imprint, "MADE IN USA." Some of the covers were marked simply with a stylized "EJIW," which is a bit presumptuous, since those seeing the well-crafted cover and who might want to purchase one might not realize who they should call to place their order. Some manhole covers by "EJIW" were imprinted "SANITARY," "WATER METER," "SEWER," and "Ameritech," which was once called Ohio Bell, a part of AT&T, before AT&T was split up after jillions of dollars was spent in anti-trust litigation, and which is now again, without much fanfare, a part of AT&T.

And while East Jordan Iron Works made cast iron covers for the local phone company, Neenah Foundry Company, of Neenah, Wisconsin, cast manhole covers for "CPP," the municipality-owned Cleveland Public Power, and for "CEICo.," the non-municipality-owned Cleveland Electric Illuminating Company, along with generic covers stamped "SEWER" and "WATER METER."

During the year from 1880 to 1881, Edward Gill was one of 45 men employed as a laborer for the "ECLIPSE IRON WORKS" in "CLEVELAND, O." The manhole cover he may have removed from the sand or loaded onto a truck was not labeled for any particular purpose; it was just a manhole cover.

Whereas (Gee, sounds like legal talk) the other manhole covers, except for recessed designs, are relatively flat, a number of other covers have raised ribs in a spoke-like pattern emanating from a center ring and are marked "WATER" in raised letters, manufactured by "SEMI STEEL CO. CLEV, O," about which I could find no information when I googled the name. The company might have gone out of business because pedestrians tripped and fell on the raised-ribbed covers.

In 1968, "THE MADISON FOUNDRY CO.," maker of manhole covers labeled "WATER METER" in "CLEVELAND, O" closed its doors, but was bought by East Jordan Iron Works, which took over Madison Foundry's business supplying manhole covers to various municipalities and the Ohio DOT.

EJIW is building a cast iron manhole monopoly. The on-line catalog is 335 pages of manhole mania with anything a manhole cover buyer would ever want, including custom lettering. Everyone should have his or her own custom maintenance hole cover.

BEVERAGES!

.301

I was eating lunch today, and eight feet in front of me was a high-def, 60-inch, flat screen TV tuned to the Food Network, a Paula Deen program to be specific. A commercial came on.

I had no idea that Carl Yastrzemski, baseball Hall of Famer, former left fielder of the Boston Red Sox, who played in the pre-steroid, greenie period, and the last Triple Crown winner in baseball, had entered into an endorsement deal for a birth control pill.

Or if he didn't, he should be getting something, since the company is trading in on, Yastrzemski's career-long and lifelong sobriquet, "Yaz."

WHAT THE FUCK?

Word Games

It's nice to see that Bush the Lesser has finally agreed to a timeline for withdrawal of U.S. troops from Iraq.

I'm sorry -- it's not a timeline.

It's a time horizon.

What is a "time horizon?"

WHAT THE FUCK?

They made up another meaning for the word "horizon" because all of the definitions I have read don't make any sense at all. It's an acronym in French, and even that doesn't fit.

Maybe it's something like an "event horizon," which is the boundary of a black hole, inside of which no light can escape.

The troops will be withdrawn at a point when there is no time.

You're not supposed to understand.

My Experience with the VW Class Action Suit

I know that one, maybe two, of you have been around long enough -- persevered, as it were, and put up with a lot of crap, so to speak -- to recall the white Volkswagen Beetle with "The Who" sticker on the back bumper. The lease was up. The mileage was way over what it was supposed to be. I tried to work a deal to buy it, but they didn't want to hear about any deals to buy the car. So, I turned it in -- late -- and V-Dub billed me something like $37,000 in over-mileage fees; but there was some question about just what the ".10" that had been written on the line for the "cents per mile" charge really meant in the overall scheme of things. In a sneaky lawyer maneuver, I said the decimal point before the 10 did not mean 10 cents, but one-tenth of one cent and that the fellow at the dealership wrote it that way; so, I owed a lot less than what V-Dub claimed.

That did not go well -- the lousy lawyer trick, that is. The lady on the other end of the phone -- the Super-Chief Boss of the This-Idiot-Went-Way-Over-the-Mileage Department -- was laughing her ass off, having now heard it all; and unless I immediately paid the $37,000 plus accrued interest of $16,000, together with the late return fee of $1200, one month's lease payment multiplied by the additional not-turning-the-car-in-on-time-stupid penalty totaling $1,800, and the taking-"The Who"-sticker-off-the-rear-bumper charge of $350, she was going to turn my case over to the largest law firm in Chicago to sue my sorry ass for all that and attorney fees.

I settled with the lawyers from Chicago -- and both of us were not happy, which means it was a good settlement.

That was several years ago. Fast forward through the intervening years to the present, and mail is delivered with a return address "VW and Audi Smart Key Litigation." It turns out that some lawyer filed a class action suit because the computerized keys to start the VW Beetle, among other cars made by VW and Audi, couldn't be duplicated by locksmiths because V-Dub didn't permit anyone but licensed dealers to have the key codes, "thus depriving consumers of potential choices in programming computerized replacement keys." So, when I broke the Smart Key and needed a replacement back in the day, I called my friend, Sam the Locksmith, who told me he couldn't help me. VW wouldn't give him the key blanks and codes. The damn key cost almost $300.

So, we got this big class action lawsuit going over the Smart Key. That's cool. I can get my money -- or part of it -- back. I mean, hey, this lawyer's got it all together. Grrrr!!!!

Here's the settlement, the deal: V-Dub gives the codes and programming to any locksmith who wants them; V-Dub puts the locksmiths' addresses on its website; V-Dub puts an insert with an explanation of how the Smart Key works and where to find a replacement key in the owner's manual; and V-Dub pays attorney fees.

Am I missing something? Where's the part about me getting my money -- or a part of it -- back? What kind of deal did this lawyer make for me?

Okay. Here's the basics of the American legal system, the high-falutin' System of American Jurisprudence. We got one lawyer representing, let's say, me. And we got another lawyer representing, let's say, V-Dub. My lawyer says something like this: "Dude, if Bill's locksmith had the code, he would have been able to get a new Smart Key for free because the locksmith is his good friend; so, Bill got ripped off to the tune of $300. Plus interest. Plus attorney fees. Pay the man!"

And does V-Dub's lawyer say: Okay, we believe you; here's the money?

Of course not. It never works that way. Everyone knows that. Either there's a trial, or there's a settlement. And I get some of my money back. That's how it works.

So, I look at the settlement brochure more closely. Here's a quote from the settlement brochure:

"Plaintiffs' [that's me!] counsel [my lawyers!] have also been informed that ... VW has confirmed that the prices charged by authorized VW and Audi dealers for replacement Smart Keys are competitive with the prices charged for replacement Smart Keys by independent repair shops or locksmiths ...."

And my lawyers "have determined that, in light of this information, the settlement proposed will fully and fairly protect the interests of the Settlement Class ..."

WHAT THE FUCK?

My lawyers actually believe V-Dub's lawyers? What the hell happened? Has the entire legal world been suddenly torn apart by a worm hole snaking its way through the universe? I am totally disillusioned. The legal system has gone far awry. I am deeply, deeply troubled by all of this. What happened to the adversary system of justice in this country?

Okay, okay -- I know what you're saying. Bill, you can "opt out." You don't need to accept this injustice. You can object. You can raise a ruckus. Stand up for what you believe in, Bill. You fucking whining pussy!

Enough already! Here's what I have to do: "Your exclusion request must set forth your full name and current address and the model, model year, and vehicle identification number (VIN) of the vehicle(s) owned, and include proof of ownership (such as title or DMV registration), etc., etc., etc."

This is bullshit. They have my name and address because I'm holding the envelope. The vehicle identification number is on the fucking envelope. V-Dub ... German engineering. The Germans are renowned for keeping meticulous records of all kinds of minutiae. They have all the records of my oil changes, tire rotations, tire tread depth, tune-ups, my complaints about the CD player, the broken fucking Smart Key that the dealer couldn't figure out was broken and wore down my battery so far trying to start the damn car that they said I needed a new one and charged me $150 for a fucking battery, $130 for the goddamn tow, and almost 300 bucks for the fucking Smart Key. Give me a fucking break. They are making me jump though fucking hoops if I don't want to be involved in this miscarriage of justice in a mutant legal system.

Fucking idiots. Only in America.

New Impeachment Resolution

AN ARTICLE OF IMPEACHMENT OF PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH

INTRODUCED BY CONGRESSMAN DENNIS J. KUCINICH

JULY 10, 2008

Resolved, that President George W. Bush be impeached for high crimes and misdemeanors, and that the following Article of Impeachment be exhibited to the United States Senate:

An Article of Impeachment exhibited by the House of Representatives of the United States of America in the name of itself and of the people of the United States of America, in maintenance and support of its impeachment against President George W. Bush for high crimes and misdemeanors.

ARTICLE ONE

DECEIVING CONGRESS WITH FABRICATED THREATS OF IRAQ WMDs TO FRAUDULENTLY OBTAIN SUPPORT FOR AN AUTHORIZATION OF THE USE OF MILITARY FORCE AGAINST IRAQ.

In his conduct while President of the United States, George W. Bush, in violation of his constitutional oath to faithfully execute the office of President of the United States and, to the best of his ability, preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States, and in violation of his constitutional duty under Article II, Section 3 of the Constitution "to take care that the laws be faithfully executed," deceived Congress with fabricated threats of Iraq Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMD) to fraudulently obtain support for an authorization for the use of force against Iraq and used that fraudulently obtained authorization, then acting in his capacity under Article II, Section II of the Constitution as Commander in Chief, to commit US troops to combat in Iraq.
___________________

Now that the Congress conspired with Bush the Lesser to destroy the Constitution, do you think anybody in Washington will listen to Dennis the Menace?

It amazes me that "true A-mur-kens" want to seriously mutilate or kill those who burn a symbol, the flag, but will do nothing and, more importantly, will support those, especially those who swear, so help them God (Uhhh, yeah ... sure, dude ... I'll help you kill my children. Isn't that what you ... er, believe, dude? That I created Man ... or maybe just some of them? It's like, dude, you can't have your cake and ... uhhh, eat it, too ... so to speak.), to uphold the Constitution, who destroy our rights granted by the Constitution.

DEEP THOUGHTS

1. patriotism is not the same thing as school spirit. and warm and fuzzy is not patriotism.

2. a handicapped parking space is not a reward for having the burden of having a handicapped person in your life.

pffffffffft.

Dump View

Way back before the turn of the century, a tenth grade kid stood up in front of about 200 other kids and asked the mayor of his fair city why the city would allow builders to build on landfills -- garbage dumps -- in the future, even if the dumps were covered over because the builders would be digging up old refrigerators and other stuff that could be dangerous to people using the land.

The mayor laughed and made fun of the nerdy 10th grader's question, telling the group that there wouldn't be refrigerators or dangerous stuff and that the question was quite silly and that a young adult is old enough to know better. Needless to say, that 10th grader was embarrassed, as 10th graders are prone to be, and was then ridiculed by the greasers in the crowd.

So, it's 38 years later. A shopping center was built on the land. They're having a tough time trying to contain dangerous stuff, and the Ohio EPA has filed a $270 million lawsuit.

So much for silly questions.

Some News

Did you see the story about the woman working at Holiday Inn with the bat in her bra?

She apparently thought that the pale-skinned, Hungarian gentleman she met and invited back to her flat last night left while she was still asleep.

Golf on the 4th of July

I was invited to play golf. July 4th. I should have declined; but being the idiot that I am, I said I'd be there. Golf on the Fourth of July is an adventure because the course is always jammed with those who think that it would be a good idea to try to play golf on a holiday. And that's why I should have declined.

I won't use that as an excuse for my lousy play because I started off like I was trying to play golf on a holiday, fitting right in with all the others not playing in my foursome. But I've been off to bad starts before and have righted myself and played very well; I figured that this would be no exception to that rule. Except it was. But I didn't know that on the seventh hole because I hit an awesome drive on the 365-yard, par-4 and was just short of the small pond on the left side of the fairway, about 70 yards from the hole. I didn't see any smoke. But an acrid smell, plastic and metal, burned my throat and nose. My eyes began to water; my nose started running like a faucet; I coughed uncontrollably, my lungs revolting against me.

The rest of my foursome was over on the other side of the fairway and 40 to 50 yards behind me; they were apparently unaffected, hitting their shots, two of which found the green, one rolling up to and past the hole, coming to rest several feet away from the flag stick.

I should have waited. My eyes were flooded, and I couldn't breath, the coughing not as bad as it had been just moments earlier. The next swing was not pretty, and it did not come close to accomplishing the task at hand. Three guys on the next green, a three-par hole, over to my left, laughed. Coincidental, I thought; and I didn't look so that I could continue to believe that. I lofted the next one onto the green, putted twice for a bogey, adding another "+1" to the card, which was better than the three "+2's," but of no help to my psyche, and moved on to the next tee, just as John calmly rolled his short putt into the middle of the hole for a birdie. I had to smile because he was putting much better since the lesson I gave him last weekend, and I hacked out a "nice putt" to him, tears streaming down my cheeks.

"That smell isn't bothering you guys?" I asked. They replied that it wasn't that bad, Greg adding that I could be playing much worse. Funny guy. Of course, John had just returned to level par and Greg and Dave were within a couple strokes of that.

I couldn't even claim that even though I didn't play very well, I enjoyed the fresh air and exercise. I parred the next hole, then stuck one deep into the woods on my drive on the ninth hole, setting me up for an 8. Greg was leaving after 9 for a picnic; so I didn't feel like a quitter by leaving at that point and getting home early, driving with the windows down, hoping to purge my respiratory system of aromatic hydrocarbons and heavy metals.

AGAIN WITH THE "ANOTHER REASON WE'RE NEVER MOVING"

this is what we see from our windows every 4th of july. this is the view straight out to the western suburbs of cleveland. if you watch closely (VERY closely), you can see some of the fireworks.

the quality of these videos is pretty bad, i know; but i think you get the idea. it's obviously easier for us to see -- it's actually really cool to sit and watch! it's pretty quiet in the apartment in this video -- everybody but me and my buddy, betty, is on the roof watching. me? i don't do roofs. and betty hangs out with me because she's like that.

this is a much tougher shot of the fireworks display at the mouth of the cuyahoga river here in town. i'm not very good at this movie stuff, and the reflection of the apartment in the window glass almost overpowers the fireworks display. almost. oh yeah -- and you'll have to tilt your head sideways (to the left) to see it at the proper angle. sorry. just pretend you're here and that you can see better.

Cleveland Orchestra

The Cleveland Orchestra's 19th annual free summer concert on Public Square opened with the Star-Spangled Banner. A friend called, asking I where I was at that moment, to which I replied, "Walking the dogs on Ontario near Public Square listening to 'Summertime' from 'Porgy and Bess.'" He asked if he'd be able to see the fireworks from our rooftop deck -- "Perfect view," I replied; but he thought he wouldn't make it by about 10 after 10, the time I thought they would start. He forgot that the concert was tonight.

During the concert, lightning over Lake Erie illuminated the sky, moving toward the North Shore. I started walking west, heading toward home, dogs stopping to check out many people who rarely ventured downtown, but staked out small pieces of real estate with their collapsible chairs, blankets, and strollers, people laughing, smiling, wearing glowing necklaces and flashing glasses, enjoying their community through music conducted by Giancarlo Guerrero, his fourth appearance as guest conductor of the best orchestra in the world, attended by over 50,000 and heard by many more at the restaurants and cafes near Public Square, on a warm night, electricity in the air.

Fireworks, against the backdrop of the pink, granite, chevron-shaped skyscraper, shot into the night sky, explosions reflected in the windows of the 50-story tower, after the Orchestra finished "Stars and Stripes Forever," just as the first drops of rain began to fall.

And the closer the dogs and I got to home, the harder the rain poured down; but the red, white, and blue incendiary display wasn't dampened, the crowd roaring its approval, as it had the entire evening after each number the Orchestra played.

Man and nature collaborated to an event that will be long remembered by those who witnessed it.